When Communications Falter, Regroup!

Certain people have preferred preferred ways of communicating.  Some like the telephone, some like e-mailing, and others like using messaging on their phone or computer.  Each method of communication has pros and cons, and the key to keep in mind is that when the one you're using most is not working, switch gears!  Here are some pointers.

Telephone
It is direct and immediate, and requires no writing skills.  Its also the easiest, most low-tech way of reaching someone.  Some problems with this method is that if you don't schedule the time, then you might not get the other person when they can talk.  Another problem is that it doesn't provide either person time to think, or consider how they want to say something.  In some cases, people talk out of emotion only, blocking the possibility of constructive dialogue.  In these cases, its time to switch gears.

Email

Americans love their email!  You can read messages people send you whenever you want, and send someone something whenever you want.  You can re-write, see a chain of messages in the dialogue, and save what you have received and sent!  You can also say the same exact thing to multiple people.  But oh, misunderstandings can proliferate.  The smallest gap in wording can create a large misunderstanding.  Sometimes emotions are read into the words that just aren't there.   When you need to clear the air, get off the keyboard.

Text Messaging and Instant Messaging

Immediate and easy, messaging provides a quick way to say a few words back and forth.  Those who are of few words love using messaging because its a medium made for saying only a few words!  However this method is not a good way of communicating for anything lengthy.  Anything detailed, elaborate, or complicated probably belongs back in an email.  Many people want their communications to be short & quick ... but not all can be like that, so not all are fit for messaging.

Other Factors

Don't forget too, that some people have preferred means of communicating.  A colleague might rarely check email but pick up the phone at the first ring.  A sibling might not answer the phone, but reply to an email.  A boyfriend might not return a call, but will reply to a text.  We have so many tools for communicating, that the most important thing to remember is that if one doesn't work, switch! 

I know one woman who relies on email so heavily that she seems to constantly cause misunderstandings.  Every time things get to that point, I call her, text message her, or send her an instant message!  But I immediately cut off the email chain because the communication gap is not helping.  I have preferred communication methods too, but if necessary, I switch to something else.

Don't Get Attached

Just remember, the world is your oyster.  Don't get stuck in one way of talking.  Use what works best!

Men, Wealth, Power, and Cheating

High-profile men cheat.  We can't get past it, and we don't like it.  But if the news has fun telling us anything, its that wealthy and powerful men cheat.  For every one of them that gets caught, someone wants to know what's wrong with them, and psychologists and social scientists enter the picture.  I'm here to tell you that what they say is that cheating is a socially shared responsibility, and human nature.

Why They Do It
The drive that makes these men wealthy and/or powerful, and successful, is connected to another, more primal drive.  According to people who study this type of person, he can't have one drive without another.  Then there's the extreme confidence he feels as a result of his power and/or wealth, and success.   The confidence probably permeates everything -- his ability to win women, and also cheating without getting caught.  The fact that he has a life-sized ego goes without saying, and its safe to assume he's pretty arrogant -- another reason he thinks he'll get away with it.
So, here he has the personality and the means to cheat ... but the phenomena doesn't end there.

Who He Cheats With
In our society, we like wealthy, powerful, and successful people.  We are hard-wired to believe that those people will take the best care of us, and we want to be around them.  Consequently, women are drawn to men who are wealthy and/or powerful, and successful.  The draw is irresistable for some.  If you combine all that with a professional athlete's physique, for some women, the attraction is very hard to deny.

Do the Math
So now we have men who are driven to cheat, and we have women who find them magnetically attractive.  The woman doesn't care if they're caught, and the man doesn't think they will get caught.  Put these folks in a room together, and moral inhibitions are thrown out the window.  Meanwhile, the rest of society frowns on it, feeling sorry for the wife and questioning the man's morality and character.  Yet as a society, we praise successful men and hope our sons choose a role model amongst them.  It is only when their drive steers them to cheating that we change our minds.  We are consistent about that. 

The Conundrum
So what are we to do?  Everyone looks at these cheating men as successful role models.  We feed their ego, we tell them they're fantastic, we trust some of them with power, and others with money.  Women can't help wanting to be around them, and these men think they are flawless.  We as a society help create the scenario for when these men cheat, and then when they do, we hate them for it.

I am not condoning their behavior, but rather raising the important point that they do not become cheaters in a vacuum.  Our society helps them get there.  Perhaps if society, and women in particular, can acknowledge this basic fact, then we can get somewhere.  Stop choosing high-profile role models for your sons!  Instead, select someone in the school, or a school sports coach, or an uncle or father.  Focus expressing praise on these men, and turn off the television when the high-profile man is celebrated.  The media could do human interest stories on these men ... are they fathers?  Are they uncles?  How much time do they spend with their family?  When society stops making these men all about their success only, then, and only then, are we communicating to them that their success isn't everything, and values are important too.

Let's stop and think America -- do we want to be part of the problem, or part of the solution?

When Service Leaves the Profession

This week I got mad because an attorney communicated poorly.  All he had to do was provide specific, clear instructions -- and he failed.  Sure, its easy for someone "smart" to overlook something "simple", but in this case it was his job to not overlook anything.  This frustration led to finding out that a large, pricey firm provided the same shoddy work to a regular client.  I have heard, time and again, about the angst that lawyers have put their clients through.

Then there are the many doctors I saw for one problem, and only two did their job.  It took something like three years of seeing different doctors and physical therapists to solve the problem.  I could also mention my cable company, which took a year to provide television service to my home that's worthy of an industrialized nation.  The list goes on.

In some areas and for some industries, the problem of worthy service is solved by an organization like Checkbook.org, or Angie's List -- resources for locals to find out other customers' reviews of services.  But what do we do about professions that are not covered?  And since when was it acceptable for some services out there to do so poorly that we even need to find a resource?  I know what you're thinking -- its always been that way.  That's where the warning about shady car mechanics and home contractors who don't finish their work comes from. 

But there was a time when doctors and lawyers were expected to take the time to provide good, professional service -- and what happened to that?  Are they really so busy that they can't painstakingly and carefully do their work? I think not, because I still have some doctors who will treat an ailment well -- whether its an aching limb or a migraine. 

So what about the rest of all these paid professionals?  Why are they short-changing service?  I believe that as a nation of people that ultimately serve each other; we need this clarified.  We also need to start serving each other and putting the sloppy or lazy professionals out of business.  Not only will we be happier as a nation, but the odds are, we'll also be more industrious.  Perhaps we'll do better in the world economy! 

So ... in the interest of a happy and industrious nation; I hereby challenge every reader of this blog to not only provide good service; but also to inspire one additional person to do the same!